Parenting: Know the Difference Between Rewarding and Bribing Your Child
To get children to cooperate, most parents would offer rewards for good behavior. However, rewards can easily turn into bribes when parents attempt to influence or manipulate their children into acting a particular way. Rewards, on the other hand, pay children for behaving in a way that is desirable.
A reward becomes a bribe when you, the parent, tries to distract your child and get him to do what you want your child to do. Getting your child to behave the way you want them to behave in this manner can be effective, but only for the short term. Over time, your child will learn of this and use it his advantage. As a parent, do you really want your child to grow into a manipulative person? What kind of message are you sending your child if you always resort to bribing your child in order to get him to do what you want?
Praise is a powerful tool that parents can use to discipline their child. However, this same tool can be misused too, and can actually cripple a child and create low self-esteem. Praises, when issued only when a child does what he is told to do, sends the child the message that he can only get approval, acceptance or love if he is "good" or does what others tell him to do.
Instead of giving your child external compliments, you would do better to teach your child acceptable and appropriate behavior, especially as it relates to treating mistakes as part of their life education. This results in positive behavior and your child learning on their own how to deal with and respond appropriately without expecting any rewards. You help your child develop internal satisfaction instead of becoming reliant on external payoffs.
If you reward your child with toys or money each time they behave a certain way, you are actually teaching your child to expect things in return for good behavior. You end up teaching your child that if they do what you tell them to do, they will receive a reward for doing so. In time, your child will learn that he can use rewards to get what he wants.
In defense, parents would say they use rewards to get their child to do something because it is something that needs to be done or that it is the responsible thing to do. However, children often view this as some sort of trickery and can catch on right away if they sense that they are being manipulated. Children would tend to resist or they may refuse to do what their parents want them to do unless there get something in return.
You can easily tell if you are bribing or motivating your child. For one, if you are offering your child something in return for doing what you want (e.g., keep quiet, help clean the kitchen, etc.), you are manipulating your child and thus, are bribing. If you tell your child, "If you do this, I'll give you something," you are, in effect, bribing your child, and your child will know this. If your child asks you for something and you respond by putting a condition before your child can have what he asked you, you are teaching your child that they must work first in order to get something in return.
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